So, how do i do this

How do i balance my intactivism with not wanting my son to be self concisous about his penis? My husband and I plan on telling him that we believed like Many americans that there were benefits to circumcision and it was just what you do. We will tell him, we are sorry for taking his foreskin away. His foreskin had a purpose and a great purpose. We will tell him, what we have found out medicially since then, so hopefully he will keep his future sons intact. But, i do worry that in sharing this with him, it will make him so aware on what he is missing, that it will take over too much of his life. And that is never my goal. I don't want to tell him, that there is something sexually wrong with him. How he feels about his genital is his own business. So, i question...how do i handle this delicate subject with him, when he is older? It can't be ignored, but it can't be drilled in sooooo hard, that he starts hating his penis(where he may not have beforehand). I at least have some years to find that balance

Letter to my circumcised son

Dear Hunter,
Do you know that your father and I tried to conceive for almost a year and had no luck? When I did got pregnant with you, I was so happy. Word can not even explain it. I was so careful during my pregnancy, maybe even overly so. I researched many aspects of having a child, but one aspect fell threw the cracks. We didn’t know if you were going to be a boy or a girl. By the way I “knew” you were going to be a girl. Seems silly now, I know. At the hospital I filled out all the paperwork and one was for circumcision and I am ashamed to admit it, but your father and I didn’t think anything of this at the time. We thought of a few things a little before though…one being every male is pretty much circumcised. Two That there were health benefits(reduced infections and diseases) . Three, no doctor would perform this unless it was a needed preventative measure. I have made many mistakes in my life and none I would really change, but this one I would. I would take that consent form and rip it to shreds. I sadly admit I didn’t read the fine print and it was kind of confusing, but again, I just went to number 1,2,3 and sign away I did. I birthed you and held you close to my chest after your birth. I was in shock you were a boy. Later the next day after lots of snuggles, I handed you over to the doctor for your circumcision with no apprehension at all. Frankly I think because I was brainwashed and like the saying goes “ignorance is bliss”. You were gone awhile and when you came back to the room you seemed “ok”. I changed your bloody diaper, but again I figured this was a means to an end. This would protect you. We took care of your penis exactly as we were suppose to. Always pulling down the remaining skin and using lots of Vaseline. It wasn’t until check ups when the doctors had to detach your skin that was reattaching that I was sent into my first shock. You screamed a horrid horrid scream and you bled. One time I took you over to your grandparents, so you grandmother can attest to the sight we saw in your diaper…quite a bit of blood. More than a little. I almost took you to the doctor and maybe I should have, but the doctor said a little bleeding was fine. I think he should have been more specific, because looking back it was more than a little. We dealt with these reattachments for a while. When you were maybe 9 months I met some mothers who were intactivst and did NOT believe in circumcision. One actually said that the procedure was one of insanity. I took great offense to this. How dare she…I was protecting you, not harming you. I defended circumcision for months after that…until one day I sat down and really dug into research. I cried and I cried. These “crazy” intactivst were right. I was shocked, absolutely shocked to find out the AAP doesn’t recommend routine infant circumcision. They said the potential benefits(so not guaranteed) DID NOT outweigh the risks. WHAT? Why are doctors performing this surgery then.? All other surgery on children the opposite is true. The benefits outweigh the risks. I was shocked to find out that in many other countries circumcision is just not done(except sometimes for religious reasons). In Europe the Circumcision rate is almost nil. What, again! Then I read about the little boys that died from this surgery. DIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess even though I knew it was a surgery, I didn’t view it really as a surgery. If that makes any sense. So, I knew after all this, that no other boys would be circumcised. So now came the hard part, convincing your dad. Although, to be fair, it wasn’t as hard as I thought. Maybe it would have been if you DID NOT have complications, but since you did, he agreed after a few discussions. I did have apprension about saving your brother…I mean I knew no matter what we would NOT circumcise him, but I didn’t want you to think we cared more about your brother. He kind of just got the luck of the draw being the youngest. I know that sucks and isn’t a good enough reason FOR you, but it is what I have. I want you to know though, that in protecting your brother, I was also apologizing to you . I was saying, I do this for him, but I do it for you too. Maybe that won’t make sense to you, but it did in my head. I loved him enough and you enough to save him. I will regret that I didn’t save you and didn’t look into this matter more closely. I am hoping you will forgive me and knowing your nature you will. I have saved a few other babies from circumcision as well. Those babies are for you too. I do this in your honor. Of course I do this for them, but you are always in my mind when I handle this delicate subject.

Love,
Mom

Can i move to Italy or Germany or maybe???? Circumcision

Sometimes i am so upset about how many people have been conditioned in the country when it comes to circumcision. How we are taught(including medical professionals) that circumcision is cleaner and better. So, i want to move to Europe. In many european countries, i would be surrounded by millions of people who thought like i do. That circumcision is a unnnecessary surgery and one that should not be performed on infants since there is no medical need for it. Sometimes i come out guns blazing on this issue and sometimes i admit, sadly i back down. People will tell me i should back down, it isn't my kid and why do i care since it isn't my kid. I care the same way a person cares about someone who has been hurt or abused...it doesn't have to effect my life to care(no I am not say those that circumcise makes you an abuser even if i disagree with it strongly...just trying to explain how i can care about something that doesn't "effect me and mine"). I don't think people that circumcise their sons(or daughters from those cultures that do) are horrible people. I myself circumcised my eldest in ignorance and i think many people circumcise in ignorance. Do you know how many people i suprise when i tell them things like "no health organization recommends routine infant circumsion". "In europe you rarely hear of a boy being circumcised and their intact penises are not infected at every turn". "Baby's have died from circumcision(yes extremely rare, but happens) and many have life long complications". Generally if someone has had a child circumcised they get defensive...i get that.. That was me when Hunter(my five year old) was a baby. How dare someone question my parenting? How dare she tell me i didn't have all the facts? How dare she say it is insane to take a perfectly healthy body part and cut it off for pretty much no reason?" How dare she??? Well, i thank god every day she dared. If she hadn't i may have lived in my bubble and had our youngest circumcised(despite my oldest having complications). Yeah, even with complications if no one actually told me the facts i may have still circumcised my second son, because that is what you do and better to have some adhesions(which are a big deal) than infections(cuz i thought intact meant infections and dirty). I'm just kind of rambling with this blog and not really going anywhere...but i have some quotes i'd like people to read.


"04/18/02

Hi. My name is Patricia and my son, Michael is 4 months old. His story is a very difficult one, but I am hoping that anyone out there trying to make a decision on whether or not to circumcise will read my story and learn from it. Some may call this an anecdote, but I like to think of it as a lesson to anyone who thinks that circumcision is something that is harmless or painless.

I live in the midwest. The idea of not circumcising seemed foreign to me. No one had ever presented a case as to not to do it, and truthfully, I didn't know that there was such controversy on the whole subject. I remember everyone telling me that this is just what is done and that it is a healthy and painless thing to do. I thought that all they did was cut the tip of the foreskin and the rest of it just fell away from the head. Shows how stupid I was.

I remember them taking my son from me, sleeping and wrapped in his little blanket. They said he'd be back shortly and that there was nothing to worry about. I was nervous and I had this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach- like maybe I should just let him be. I mean, I didn't see anything wrong with his penis, so why didn't I just say something?

An hour passed and I had heard nothing back. I was starting to get worried when the doctor came into my room telling me there had been a complication. The clamp they had used had gotten stuck and the head of my son's penis had been partially severed. He almost bled to death on the table and they had to put him under so they could try to reattach the head to his penis. I totally freaked out. Immediately the doctor left the room as I was sobbing like crazy, and my husband was in complete shock.

Three hours later the doctor came back and said they had been able to reattach the tip of the penis, but they would have to wait and see what the long term effects would be.

He has since had two infections and the scar site continues to bleed. He still cries everytime he pees, and we don't know if he will ever have proper function of his penis. He is scheduled to visit another pediatric urologist who will be able to evaulate him better and perhaps do a little more repair work. I will never be able to forgive myself for not being more educated on the subject of circumcision, and for not just being happy with the way he was. Not in a million years will what he has gone through ever be worth whatever supposed health benefits that circumcision is supposed to provide.

Although cases like my son's are rare, they do happen.I have violated the most private part of his body to satisfy some kind of bizarre cultural ritual. He will forever have the scars from my ignorance.


I have since filed a malpractice lawsuit against my doctor who did this, and have become very active in the anti-circumcision community. No one should ever have to go through this kind of pain. Even a "normal" circumcision is extremely painful for the baby. Imagine having half of your penis severed in the process.

Don't ever think this couldn't happen to your child. Don't ever think that it won't be your number picked from the hat. This doesn't HAVE to happen! That's the thing. There is no reason for this surgery and there never will be. There is no risk to just leaving your son's body the way nature intended it to be. The only time there are risks is when you introduce something unnatural to the equation. It's not worth it. People will try to compare this to car accidents or plane crashes. Some things are out of our control- however, this isn't.

I'm sorry this got so long. My heart breaks every time I write about this and every time I give my son a bath or change his diaper I am reminded. I sincerely hope that anyone thinking of this will think twice. Know the facts- and that is you have no right to put anyone through such pain based on ignorance and bias"-Patricia





"Circumcision: Not An Option. Let me explain myself further...also let me give you the european stand point on this issue. To perform or not to perform circumcision is not an option here....what I mean, there is no question which way to go.....not to circumcise is the logical answer and never is an issue unless for religious reasons. The whole act itself is looked at as either a religious ritual or a third world tribal practice. [It] stuns Europeans all the time when they find out that Americans actually choose to do this, and what stuns them even more are the reasons for choosing circumcision. I guess I just always took it for granted that my sons intact penis was nothing special, just like keeping all his fingers or other parts of his body intact. I guess, even in the most sophisticated societies, witch burning scenerios can still take place. I am sorry if this sounds so harsh, but coming from this side of the world, that is how it is looked at. I am glad to see that evolution is taking place..in the way that people are becoming more informed about this unneeded, barbaric practice." --Hollieann (1999)





"I'm an American who had the privledge of living abroad in the UK for 3 years. Now, I've always been an open-minded, fairly aware individual, but living in the UK I really learned how Americo-centric I was. It's truly hard not to be, because it's ingrained in our culture, and our education. But, it's really helpful to try to be aware of that when you are thinking and talking about other countries and their culture . . . because, believe it or not, we can learn A LOT from other people!

Anyway, I learned a lot about circ when my son was born in the UK. He was born at home (which, is also a wonderful and more common option overseas). Not having really thought too much about circ beforehand, we started asking our midwife and GP (doctor) about it, and were met with a look of horror, followed closely by a brief explanation that its really an uneccessary outdated procedure that isn't done anymore, etc., followed by an explanation stated outloud, but I think it was for their own benefit ... something about 'Well, I forgot that it's a cultural thing American's do.' We spoke to our European friends about it and were met with similar responses. We finally did the research, and realised what that what we had grown up learning and believing in the US really had little bearing on reality regarding circs. I'm so greatful we had that cultural reality check. America is the last industrialized country to move toward leaving our son's whole. I truly believe we will come around and follow suit from our European counterparts . . . It's already starting to happen." -Julie





"In the general United States population, the prevailing attitude toward circumcision -even in spite of the current controversy surrounding it- is one of non-chalance and even apathy. Parents will lots of times say that their doctor recommended it, yet every doctor I spoke to at a recent neonatal conference at a major teaching university hospital says that they do it "because the parents want it"; it is to save the parents going to someone else and/or because they feel that they "do good ones". The "blame" gets shifted, and through this, babies continue to be circumcised. It is a cultural force which is very strong."





"After reading extensively about circumcision, it is clear to me that the procedure is absolutely unecessary. The reported medical benefits of this surgery are constantly being called into question, and, even in the studies that claim to show a reduction in disease rate, the benefit is very small, usually just one or two percent. Also, UTIs and STDs don't seem to be more of a problem in Europe, where very fewer men are circumcised. Furthermore, medical studies of disease rates in circumcised vs. uncircumcised populations are really irrelevant when one examines the ethical issues involved in infant circumcision, which involves the removal of healthy, nondiseased, erogeneous tissue from a nonconsenting patient. It would be unthinkable to perform this surgery on female neonates in this country, even if the parents requested it. Doctors should not have the right to remove healthy, erogenous tissue from a baby's genitals for any reason, even if parents request it for "hygenic" or "social" reasons, or so that the baby "matches" his father. What the parents request is also irrelevant. The child's body is his own, and it is the duty of ethical doctors and nurses to protect him from harm while under their care. When a child becomes a consenting adult he will be able to choose circumcision himself, should he desire it. (Religious circumcision is a separate issue with its own ethical dilemmas.)

I was circumcised shortly after birth at the hospital. My circumcision has casued me countless hours of frustration and suffering. I first became aware of the problem, at puberty, when erections became extremely painful. the skin would tear and bleed, and my penis would feel extremely unconfortable, even when not erect. When I realized that the band around my penis was actually a scar, I was shocked. Later, in my twenties, I found sex to be highly overated. I didn't understand why it was supposed to be pleasureable. During this time, I started reading extensively about circumcision, and for the first time, realized that my radical circumcision was the cause of these problems.

I approached my HMO doctor with the problem, and requested surgery to relax the tension on the penile skin. He was very sympathetic and recommended that I have surgery, but informed me that USHealthcare would probably not cover it, even though the probem was clearly iatragenic. He referred me to a very good HMO Urologist, who examined me and confirmed my worst fears: yes, my problems were casued by lack of sensitive penile skin and a "tight" or "radical" circumcision. He recommened me as a good candidate for corrective surgery. USHealthcare, in spite of these recommendations, insists the problem is cosmetic, and will not pay for it.

If you look into the circumcision issue further, you will find that my case is not unusual. To get more information, you can read "Circumcision: The Painful Dilemma" by Romberg; "Circumcision: The Hidden Trauma" (just published; can't remember author) "The Joy of Uncircumcising" by Jim Bieglow, which has been tremendously helpful to me, and "Circumcision: An American Health Fallacy" by Edward Wallerstein.

Also, I would strongly encourage MD's reading this to check out DOC - Doctors Opposing Circumcision (http://weber.u.washington.edu/d60/gcd/) , an organization formed by doctors who question the ethics of routine neonatal circumcision. They have a good web site, and publish an online journal of peer-reviewed articles relevant to the circumcision debate. Finally, check out the "Fathering" (http://www.fathermag.com/circ/) web site's page on circumcision, especially the section on "botched" circumcisions and men's reactions to having been circumcised.

One last note- today it is possible for a man who has been harmed by circumcision to sue the doctor who performed it, during a two year period from the time when he first becomes aware of the damage. There are lawyers who specialize in circumcision law.

I would urge all medical professionals who read this to think seriously about the ethics of neonatal circumcision. Circumcising a child is serious business: the results are permanent and life-long. Circumcision has taken so much pleasure out of my life. I would urge you to learn from my example and stop subjecting children to something they didn't request and don't need."- J.M., May, 1997


http://www.circumcisionquotes.com/

Don't want others to regret

This blog I put out here, not to put fear into parents, but to let parents know these are real. I’ve read many blogs in regards to regretting circumcising ones son. I don’t want people to feel like I have/do. It is a horrible feeling. Now, if you circumcised your son and have no regret, I’m not saying I want you to feel regret. I’m not trying to control anyone’s emotions. I just want people to realize your child is NOT the guarantee, no child is…trust me I know. If you can go in with your heart and head totally around the fact that your child could be in that percentage of complications, then that is when my job is complete. I walked into it(with Hunter), thinking that sure a complication can arise, but was like one in 100,000 and it maybe something like a little too much bleeding. Well, no the complication range(around 5-10%) varies from a lot of blood loss to buried penis to adhesions to infections, to Meatal stenosis etc. I think that is what upsets me the most, not that people circumcise, but that they do it blindly. I was on of those people. I blame doctors/society. Even if a doctor is for circumcision I think he/she should plain list the risks (many do not) and I think they should be required to state the AAP policy and reinforce the parents that this isn’t a medically needed procedure. I went into it thinking I was preventing all sorts of infections and diseases with Hunter. And no one told me different. Yes, I signed consent, but a lot of this stuff WAS NOT mentioned or not written in plain English. I think doctors don’t say the risk for this surgery because there is such a cultural/social and in some cases religious attachment to this surgery, that they do not want to offend anyone. Infant Circumcision is like no other surgery…in the fact that it is done not to treat a problem that has risen or elevate pain. So, I think it needs to be addressed in a different manner.


This ladies blog about her sons complications and regret.

http://attachedwithapaddle.blogspot.com/2010/05/hard-post-on-touchy-subject.html

WARNING: images of penises that were botched in some way. This is for medical purposes, so nothing sexual

http://www.circumstitions.com/Restric/Botched1sb.html



I want to also touch on two things. One if you circumcised one or two sons and don’t want to for the next, you really don’t have to. I’ve encountered many women who did not want to circ another child, but felt they almost had to. They thought the oldest one would be upset that they didn’t “save” him. Or because the whole looking different thing. I firmly believe that if you address the issue and explain your sons will be ok. Way more ok then if your second does come out of his circumcision with a complication.

Second…I’d like to touch on religious reasons for circumsions. Circumcsion today is totally different than that of 2000 plus years ago. Only the tip of the foreskin was cut on and a few drops of blood dripped off the penis. And if you think about it…that makes sense. Do you know how many severe infections and death would have resulted if they circumcised like we do today? No sterile equipement or antibiotic cream/ or medicines for infections.

http://www.amazon.com/Marked-Your-Flesh-Circumcision-Ancient/dp/019517674X/ref=pd_sim_b_2

I'm so much more than that

I am a passionate person(obviously look at my "name"). I have strong strong opinions and like to speak out about them, but I am more than that. Yes, I am the intactivist and proud of it. I'm the gay right activist and proud of it. I'm the car seat informative and proud of it. But, lately i feel like I am being defined by my passions and not me as a whole person. I will always love a good debate and always look at some people like they've "lost their marbles". I'm not naive either, i realize some people look at me that way... *cough*mydad*cough*. I am a person who hates her weight and hates that she doesn't have the will power to change it. I am a person who thanks god everyday for 2 boys(and no girls). Nothing against girls in general, it just seems all the females in my family have some major female problems, so it is nice to realize my kids won't have to deal with that stuff. I am a person who loves loves to read trashy romance novels. I am a person who really really wants to move to the East Coast. I am person who loves those that don't agree with her. I've always said as long as you aren't a prejudice person, compulsive liar, or abusive i will probably be your friend. And I am person who is of late, not as patient a mother as I should be. Point being, I'm just a person!

There are many like me out there

I have read soooooo many blogs about women who regret circumcing their son(s). Many have also decided to keep future sons intact.

Love this women's blog

http://meg-isms.blogspot.com/2010/08/knowing-better.html

I have been reading too much lately...circumcision

In the past week, i have read about 5 other blogs/articles concerning "bothced" circumcisions. One a child nearly bleed to death and needed emergency surgery. One child has need 2 extra surgeries to correct meatal stenosis(narrowing of the urthera) due to his circumcision. One child has adhesions like Hunter. Another from a grown man who can't have satisfying sex from a botched circ. And finally one about a poor baby dying from his circumcision(due to blood loss). Many people don't understand why the issue of circumcision is so important to me, well this is why. Yes, many men/boys you know probably don't have any "problems" from their circ., but many do. I keep hearing more and more stories of bad circumcisions. The internet and the fact that we are in 2010 has made more people open to discuss complications. I'm sure in 1960, 70, and 80...there were all these problems, we just didn't a.)talk about it or b.)didn't have access to hear these stories(gotta love the internet.) The major reasons, i hear to circ are
1. Cleaner(just a myth...if you don't believe me ask a european man or women for that matter)
2. Needs to look like dad/peers. Well the peer argument is loosing it's fight as the circ rate is slowing down. As for the dad part..i find it selfish and dumb...yep i said selfish. Why does a man care if his son's penis looks like his? I mean if the dad has black hair and the kid has blonde is he going to dye his sons hair(and this would actually make more sense as seeing as everyone sees his head and not many will ever see his penis). Men, get off your high horse and actually practice what you preach(you know the whole it is ok to be different line we tell our kids)
3. Looks better. Who says it looks better? YOU? Last time i checked what looks good to one person, doesn't look good to another. Plus the owner of the penis is the one who should decide how his penis should look anyway.

4. The newest one is reduces HIV/STDs. Yes, some flawed studies have showed this and the scary part is some medical groups believe it. But all you have to do is look at Europe's cir rate(which is extremely extremely low) and compare it to our cir rate and then compare the HIV/STD rate. Europe's HIV/STD rate is lower than ours and our adult males are highly circumcised. Not to mention condoms are the safest measure to protect agaisnt STDs. i would never do any genital operation on my daughter to reduce her chance of STDs, so doing it on a boy doesn't make sense either. Plus like the looks better argument...it should really be up to the owner of the penis if he'd like to be circumcised as a STD preventive measure.

I know to many, i'm just repeating myself, but it makes me feel better. LOL.