Don't want others to regret

This blog I put out here, not to put fear into parents, but to let parents know these are real. I’ve read many blogs in regards to regretting circumcising ones son. I don’t want people to feel like I have/do. It is a horrible feeling. Now, if you circumcised your son and have no regret, I’m not saying I want you to feel regret. I’m not trying to control anyone’s emotions. I just want people to realize your child is NOT the guarantee, no child is…trust me I know. If you can go in with your heart and head totally around the fact that your child could be in that percentage of complications, then that is when my job is complete. I walked into it(with Hunter), thinking that sure a complication can arise, but was like one in 100,000 and it maybe something like a little too much bleeding. Well, no the complication range(around 5-10%) varies from a lot of blood loss to buried penis to adhesions to infections, to Meatal stenosis etc. I think that is what upsets me the most, not that people circumcise, but that they do it blindly. I was on of those people. I blame doctors/society. Even if a doctor is for circumcision I think he/she should plain list the risks (many do not) and I think they should be required to state the AAP policy and reinforce the parents that this isn’t a medically needed procedure. I went into it thinking I was preventing all sorts of infections and diseases with Hunter. And no one told me different. Yes, I signed consent, but a lot of this stuff WAS NOT mentioned or not written in plain English. I think doctors don’t say the risk for this surgery because there is such a cultural/social and in some cases religious attachment to this surgery, that they do not want to offend anyone. Infant Circumcision is like no other surgery…in the fact that it is done not to treat a problem that has risen or elevate pain. So, I think it needs to be addressed in a different manner.


This ladies blog about her sons complications and regret.

http://attachedwithapaddle.blogspot.com/2010/05/hard-post-on-touchy-subject.html

WARNING: images of penises that were botched in some way. This is for medical purposes, so nothing sexual

http://www.circumstitions.com/Restric/Botched1sb.html



I want to also touch on two things. One if you circumcised one or two sons and don’t want to for the next, you really don’t have to. I’ve encountered many women who did not want to circ another child, but felt they almost had to. They thought the oldest one would be upset that they didn’t “save” him. Or because the whole looking different thing. I firmly believe that if you address the issue and explain your sons will be ok. Way more ok then if your second does come out of his circumcision with a complication.

Second…I’d like to touch on religious reasons for circumsions. Circumcsion today is totally different than that of 2000 plus years ago. Only the tip of the foreskin was cut on and a few drops of blood dripped off the penis. And if you think about it…that makes sense. Do you know how many severe infections and death would have resulted if they circumcised like we do today? No sterile equipement or antibiotic cream/ or medicines for infections.

http://www.amazon.com/Marked-Your-Flesh-Circumcision-Ancient/dp/019517674X/ref=pd_sim_b_2

I'm so much more than that

I am a passionate person(obviously look at my "name"). I have strong strong opinions and like to speak out about them, but I am more than that. Yes, I am the intactivist and proud of it. I'm the gay right activist and proud of it. I'm the car seat informative and proud of it. But, lately i feel like I am being defined by my passions and not me as a whole person. I will always love a good debate and always look at some people like they've "lost their marbles". I'm not naive either, i realize some people look at me that way... *cough*mydad*cough*. I am a person who hates her weight and hates that she doesn't have the will power to change it. I am a person who thanks god everyday for 2 boys(and no girls). Nothing against girls in general, it just seems all the females in my family have some major female problems, so it is nice to realize my kids won't have to deal with that stuff. I am a person who loves loves to read trashy romance novels. I am a person who really really wants to move to the East Coast. I am person who loves those that don't agree with her. I've always said as long as you aren't a prejudice person, compulsive liar, or abusive i will probably be your friend. And I am person who is of late, not as patient a mother as I should be. Point being, I'm just a person!

There are many like me out there

I have read soooooo many blogs about women who regret circumcing their son(s). Many have also decided to keep future sons intact.

Love this women's blog

http://meg-isms.blogspot.com/2010/08/knowing-better.html

I have been reading too much lately...circumcision

In the past week, i have read about 5 other blogs/articles concerning "bothced" circumcisions. One a child nearly bleed to death and needed emergency surgery. One child has need 2 extra surgeries to correct meatal stenosis(narrowing of the urthera) due to his circumcision. One child has adhesions like Hunter. Another from a grown man who can't have satisfying sex from a botched circ. And finally one about a poor baby dying from his circumcision(due to blood loss). Many people don't understand why the issue of circumcision is so important to me, well this is why. Yes, many men/boys you know probably don't have any "problems" from their circ., but many do. I keep hearing more and more stories of bad circumcisions. The internet and the fact that we are in 2010 has made more people open to discuss complications. I'm sure in 1960, 70, and 80...there were all these problems, we just didn't a.)talk about it or b.)didn't have access to hear these stories(gotta love the internet.) The major reasons, i hear to circ are
1. Cleaner(just a myth...if you don't believe me ask a european man or women for that matter)
2. Needs to look like dad/peers. Well the peer argument is loosing it's fight as the circ rate is slowing down. As for the dad part..i find it selfish and dumb...yep i said selfish. Why does a man care if his son's penis looks like his? I mean if the dad has black hair and the kid has blonde is he going to dye his sons hair(and this would actually make more sense as seeing as everyone sees his head and not many will ever see his penis). Men, get off your high horse and actually practice what you preach(you know the whole it is ok to be different line we tell our kids)
3. Looks better. Who says it looks better? YOU? Last time i checked what looks good to one person, doesn't look good to another. Plus the owner of the penis is the one who should decide how his penis should look anyway.

4. The newest one is reduces HIV/STDs. Yes, some flawed studies have showed this and the scary part is some medical groups believe it. But all you have to do is look at Europe's cir rate(which is extremely extremely low) and compare it to our cir rate and then compare the HIV/STD rate. Europe's HIV/STD rate is lower than ours and our adult males are highly circumcised. Not to mention condoms are the safest measure to protect agaisnt STDs. i would never do any genital operation on my daughter to reduce her chance of STDs, so doing it on a boy doesn't make sense either. Plus like the looks better argument...it should really be up to the owner of the penis if he'd like to be circumcised as a STD preventive measure.

I know to many, i'm just repeating myself, but it makes me feel better. LOL.

I don't understand

I just don't understand how someone can be sooooooo against gay rights? How does someone being gay and getting married and adopting children effect your life? I don't understand how a gay couple who is in a monogmous relationship and follows the laws and does NOT hurt anyone such a problem? You don't agree with their lifestyle, ok fine. No one is asking you to. Sometimes, I don't agree/understand others lifestyles, so therefore i DON'T follow them MYSELF. I had someone tell me one time and i quote "Being gay is a sin, the bible says it is." While he is saying this he is living and having premarital sex with his girlfriend(something the bible also says is a sin). Hypocrite much!!!!!!! Of course i don't think there is anything wrong with premarital sex(as long as your smart about it), but please people stop picking and choosing things you follow from the bible.

NO TO CIRCUMCISION!!!!!!!!!!

"A woman was recalling how her son, had nearly bled to death after his ritual circumcision. She was so traumatized that she never had a second child. she couldn't face the dilemma, of whether to do the deed or not. Yes, despite the fact that her son had almost died, it remained a dilemma for her. She could neither circumcise another son nor face having an uncircumcised son. So, she had no more children. " Dr. Goodman


I'm glad i had the power to say never again. Yes, i didn't have religion to worry about, but i had family, friends and society to tell me i was wrong. I had to deal with explaining to EVERYONE why i was doing this(or i guess not doing this). Why I was going against the "norm" . I had to deal with people telling me i was wrong, but i stood my ground. For my sons... i would stand up to GOD himself if he came down on this earth to question me(not a very popular response i get when i say that though...LOL) . Hunter I'm sorry, i didn't know sooner. I'm sorry i was blinded by what society told me was right. Landon, I'm so glad you were spared. I'm glad the decision will one day be your choice, not mine or your fathers.

And to Jeff...you are such a awesome father and husband. You took the time to listen to me, to understand that medically it was not needed. You got over the fact that your second son would not look like you. You were selfless, when many men would not have been. I love you and I love your willnessing to hold my hand and our sons hands and say "not MY family, not ever again" .

I know when i put this stuff on my FB or my blog, i'm not the most popular person. But I told myself when Hunter was a baby, that his reattachement complication from circumcision would not be in vain. I would let people know that even if you don't agree with me, i will talk and will spread the word. I can not make someone else listen, but i can make myself speak and speak LOUDLY!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are entilted to not agree with me, but please don't tell me what to post and not post...circumcision

I don't think you are a bad parent because you circumcised your son. And of course I know you went into thinking this was the best decision for your child and your family situation. But I will continue to post how I feel about circumcision. I feel it is an unnecessary procedure with little to no benefit. In fact all health organizations agree with me, because no health organization recommends routine infant circumcision. I know some doctors do recommend it and i don't know why. Maybe because they themselves are not perfect and believe the myths that many believe. Doctors ARE NOT perfect. Doctors have made many mistakes over the years. Back in the 50's some doctors would actually recommend one brand of cigarette over another. A surgery my mom had some years ago for her reflux is now not the recommended course. So, maybe, just maybe we as a society can realize the mistake we made starting this surgery(which was started to curb masturbation actually). Some will say there are benefits...like reducing infections. Yes, the foreskin could possibly get infected, but so can any other part of our bodies. IF you cut off my pinky finger then of course my chance of my pinky being infected is eliminated. Lets not forget it reduces the chance of penile cancer(but this cancer is so rare, men are more likely to get breast cancer). Now, I'm not minimizing this for men who've had penile cancer, because I'm sure to them it does not matter that the cancer is rare. My point is that we DO NOT remove any other part of a baby's body because he might get cancer as an adult . Again, any part of the body can get cancer. I just don't' get why we apply this theory ONLY to the foreskin. IT is mind boggling really. Then there is the reduces HIV/STD argument. Anytime an article comes out supporting this theory another article comes out disproving it, and the back and forth of this continues. So, please take this with a grain of salt. Not to mention those that support this argument also say safe sex is the most important way to reduce HIV/STDs. Finally and my favorite is the fact that doing it as an infant means you won't have to do it later due to Phimosis or something of that nature. First off Phimosis is rare and can usually be treated in other ways(like steroid cream) before jumping to a surgery(although some doctors will jump to surgery before trying other methods). And if an adult male does end up NEEDING this surgery, well then it will be like any other surgery a person gets in their life...ONLY DONE WHEN MEDICALLY NEEDED!!!!!!!


Some quotes I love

"Risk assessment for an unnecessary surgery must be held to a higher standard than that for a life saving surgery. We accept that heart transplant carries with a substantial risk of death, but without it there is a certainty of death. On the other hand, the risk from circumcision, which has no therapeutic value, needs to be zero for the infants sake, all the more so because he is never consulted about weather he wishes to take his chances"- Doctors against circumcision
-
"American graveyards have hundreds of thousands of dead, HIV positive, circumcised males. The CDC reports that 80% of ADULT American males are circumcised. When HIV was first discovered the rate was over 90%. The United States has the dubious honor of having a extremely high circumcision rate and the highest per ca pita HIV rate in the developed world.

HIV is a disease of behavior. If you want to avoid HIV, you need to practice safe sex and avoid needle drug use or at the very least sharing needles. This means periodic testing and 100% condom use unless one is in a faithful magnanimous relationship were both partners are disease free. Proper behavior is the only things that will protect both men and women, gay and straight, from HIV"-anonymous

Car seat safety

Did you know the AAP now recommends keeping your child rearfacing until at least 2 years of age? Not 1, but 2. There are many rearfacing seats that can keep a child rearfacing until 40 lbs. Going past 2 years is nice if you child is still within the limits of their carseats rearfacing requirments. Many studies show it is just safer and seeing as it is someting so easy to do for your child, i ask why not? Once they are turned forwardfacing, keeping them harnessed as longg as possible is best as well. There are seats that harness up to 65-85 lbs. yes, some are expensive, but the Graco Natilus is about $150. I personally think it is worth the money. Then please keep your child in a booster until they reach 4ft9inches.

They have names

Hunter
Tommy
Sam
Richard
Kevin
Ayden
Jonathan
Franklin
and many more

They have names, they are NOT just numbers or percentages. These boys are human beings that were circumcised and came out of the experience with problems(some have been "fixed" and some have not). TO think it won't happen to your son, well that is just ignorant. I'm not going to repeat myself on all my beliefs on this issue or doctor's actually going against ever health organization to recommend this procedure(you can read that in my other blogs anyway). I just want people to see the names. Place a name to a number. Maybe shed a tear for them.

Just kind of a Public Service Announcement

Anytime i post a blog or something on FB, I don't expect EVERYONE to agree with me. Sometimes, I'm stating my opinion and other times just putting out medical research or other research out there with my opinion tied into it. I am very strong in my opinions and blunt and will even admit, i don't understand certain reasoning's. BUT that doesn't mean I think that someone is a bad person, nor am i judging them if they don't' feel the same way as me. So, just know that sometimes I put up what i do to VENT or sometimes to educate. I don't do it to degrade anyones choices. The education part is important to me, for several reasons. Mainly, because there is so much info I have come across as a parent, that i myself would never have thought to look into, if i hadn't met another parent who did A, B, or C , when i was doing D, E, and F. After talking to them and looking into things I changed my mind some and I thank those people for that. Of course on somethings, i haven't changed my mind. When I had Hunter, i was around no other modern parents. Yes, i had my parents and my in laws and i appreciated advice from them, but they weren't parents in today's world. A world were carseats weren't as important and boosters were never heard of. A world were babywearing was some odd thing(might still be to some people i guess) . A world were Organic was not a word really known in the food industry. So, when you are going off info from your parents generation, you may be a little out of the loop. I like to help bring people in the loop. And then of course it is up to each person to do what they feel is best for their child/family for their situation.

PS....I also love when people bring me in the loop too, because obviously i still have much to learn as well. I think everyone can always learn something new.

Ok, i'm going to make this super short, otherwise i'll just get annoyed

OK, I'm sure most of you heard about how a school cancelled prom due a lesbian student wanting to wear a tux and bringing a girl for a date. What really got me when reading those articles was how many people were blaming the student. How dare she ruin prom for all the others students. NO, how about how dare the school make this outright stupid decision and ruin the prom for all the students. I mean do we then say...how dare those black student ruining lunch for those white people by protesting white only restruants. Or how dare those women ruining those men's voting experience by protesting the inequality of the voting system . If no groups that were being discriminated against stood up for themselves, where would we be? Would we still have slavery? Would women still be property of their husbands? Seriously inequality is inequality and good for all those who stand up to this BS!!!!!!!

RISK/benefit of circumision

Benefits of circumcision:
-Reduces the risk of urinary track infections(but many times you won't read that the chance of boys getting UTI's is about 1% and most of those 1% are premature babies and those babies are at increased risk for all types of infections). Plus and occasional UTI is no reason to operate on a child
-Reduces the risk of penile cancer. Penile cancer is rare, the chance of getting it is less than 1%. The American Cancer society even states that they do not recommend circumcision as a way to reduce the chance of penile cancer. Not to mention we do not remove any other part of a newborn in case of cancer as an adult.
-Some studies have show a slight decrease in some STDs and HIV transmission. Although i am finding more articles saying otherwise, but lets say for arguments sake this proves a solid beneift, it is not a 100% form of protection, not even close. Abstinence and condoms are the best way to prevent HIV/STDs. A point that i struggle with when looking at articles that do support this however is: Europe has a very low circumcision rate, yet their HIV rate is lower than the USA(which has a higher circumcision rate). Maybe Europeans are just smarter or picky about their partners. Plus i say, if an adult male feels this is a great measure to protect himself, then he can choose to circumcise himself with his full consent.

*It isn't cleaner to be circumcised, that is just a myth started years ago.

Risks/complications
-Bleeding
-Complications from faulty surgical equipment
-Infection-particularly the hard to treat MRSA
-Poor cosmetic appearance
-Rash and irritation
-Buried penis(penile shaft buried below the surface of the pubic skin)
-abnormal downward bend of the penis
-narrowing of the urine channel(urethra) at the top of the penis
-Skin bridges(foreskin reattaching to the penis, which was exactly Hunter's problem and as you know it has been a big problem)
-Death(yes rare, but it does happen)
-Too much bleeding
-Some evidence shows reduce sexual pleasure(seeing as the foreskin has nerve endings)
I'll be honest, MANY babies circumcised come home healthy and with minimal to no problems. But the number that do, is probably higher than you'd think. It can be as high as 10%according to some studies. And some complications are not seen until adulthood and a man becomes sexually active and some men are too embarrassed to admit it. I have said it before and I will say it again. It is one thing for your child to have life long problem/death from a surgery that would have improved/saved his life. Circumcision does neither of these.

Side NOTE: I have had people say that their grandfather(older relative) has had problems keeping his foreskin clean after he reaches a certain age. At this point, it smells and gets infected. To that i say: IF that is true, i know if i were a man, I'd choose having to live with that for 5-10 years than living my whole life from a complications of circumcision. I realize a complication may not happen, but i also realize neither could the elderly infection/smell occur.

I want to like her and she wants to like me

So, i have this friend(more like a friend of a friend) and we kind of clash sometimes. We think the same way on many issues, but our approaches to everything is so different and sometimes it causes conflict. It is though, I want to like her and she wants to like me, but we just kind of can't come together. Who knows if that made any sense. LOL. I am better friends with people whom I totally disagree with on 50% of my parenting beliefs, yet her and I are probably more 90% in closeness. I would say that maybe we are too much alike, but then I think no because the friend we share in common is close in beliefs to us too. I don't know what it is. I can't pinpoint it and I bet she feels the same way. I have tons of respect for her and wish her nothing but the best, but i just don't see us ever being "tight" and "on paper" we should be.

Short, sweet, and might not make sense

Soooooooooooo...I told my husband that I really like his baseball and football teams a lot now. He asks me why and the reason made him laugh, but hey they make sense to me. Washington DC just started allowing same sex marriage , so GOOOOOO REDSKINS. And Maryland at the very least recognizes same sex marriage performed legally elsewhere. So, GOOOOOOOOOOO Baltimore Orioles.

Yeah...i'm that annoying intactivst

Soooooooo...I've been called overbearing in this area and I'm sure I am, but i don't find that is a bad thing. My oldest son is circumcised and it was the biggest mistake I've ever made as a parent. He had reattachment issues and bled quite badly. He is now 4.5 and still occasionally complains of his penis hurting. I worry that this will effect his sex life as an adult and it possibly could. I did not look into the "benefit"/risk scenario before circumcising. I mean why would I...that is just what you did, it was for the best, like breastfeeding is. Doctors made me sign a consent, but the consent really only mentioned "normal" complications from surgeries in general. Nowhere was it listed the complications that only happen from circumcision...like reattachment. And then many doctors after the fact, make reattachment like no big deal. Yeah tell that to my baby bleeding from his penis after you "detached" it. I was in denial of the first year of his life. If anyone mention circumcision, i supported it, because by not would be admitting my mistake. And this was no simple mistake, it was a HUGE one. Finally, i admitted to myself what i had allowed to happen to my little baby. IT was gut wrenching and traumatizing for me, but I'm sure it was way more traumatizing to my son. SO, my goal is to educate people. I know i may only change 1 in 100 people's mind on circumcision, but that is 1 baby saved. Saved from possibly even death. Yes, rare, but it HAPPENS. I've been told well all surgery involve risks. And yes that is true, but pretty much all other surgeries on children will improve their quality of life or SAVE their life, while circumcision does neither of these. So, to have your child die from something that would not have help him in the least bit, well that is just incomparable. I also get the myths thrown around about how it is cleaner and all that BS...seriously, people!!!!!! I give medical stats, after medical stats, and of course most of the time it does nothing. 80% of the world is intact . We in American just have this overwhelming urge to operate on a child for really no good reason...Health organizations have not recommended routine infant circumcision for years. UMMMMMMM...wonder why? Oh, that is right, because it isn't necessary. The fact that doctors themselves still recommend or perform it is what is really baffling though. I truly think some of it stems from the fact that: then they as person would have to admit they were cut for no reason or they cut their boys for NO REASON... of course that is just my opinion. The on call pediatrician when i had my second son (who is intact, thank you very much) asked if we were circumcising. I said...no and he started listing "benefits" and i said to him. Why would i have you or my OB perform a procedure YOUR OWN ACADEMY doesn't recommend. Yeah, that shut him up. What could he say. Well, that is it for now...I will back to annoy more later.

Video of a circumcision(no this isn't to freak out parents or put fear into them, but to realize what is involved in the procedure)
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/163488/562046

Love this for scriptures. I have had many non jewish friends say that their religion favors it. While it is catholic, it does pull quotes from the bible(so great for an Christian religion really)
http://www.catholicsagainstcircumcision.org/

AAP policy on circumcision(and actually the AAP is the most "laxed" on circumcision as most other countries out right say "no don't do it" pretty much)
http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics%3B103/3/686

Dr. sears-
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/1/t012000.asp

http://www.catholicsagainstcircumcision.org/cac_main.htm


*may have to copy and paste links